As a company on the grow, Natishco is looking to staff several positions in short order. Join our team and enjoy the benefits of our luxurious offices at Natishco world headquarters in Ottawa, including free jacuzzi privileges and beer fridge.
Please submit all job applications with a current or fictitious resume, and referencing the appropriate competition number, to Iwanttowork@natishco.com
Quisling - (Competition Number 99QD-01434)
Job description: The successful candidate will be expected to insinuate himself or herself into the Natishco heirarchy and strategically leak corporate secrets to competing firms. Candidate will also be charged with joining the corporate softball team, but playing poorly.
Remuneration: To be discussed.Assistant Juggins - (Competition number 99JE-01152)
Job description: Applicant must demonstrate complete inability in all fields, and a profound inability and unwillingness to learn new skills. Will be expected to attend staff meetings and repeat points made ten to fifteen minutes earlier with significant decrease in lucidity. Will be responsible for not reporting to the Senior Juggins, and to not keep the Senior Juggins informed of activities undertaken by the applicant.
Remuneration: Pay will be based on the candidate's relevant qualifications and experience.Masochist-Fatalist - (Competition number 99MW-02037)
Job description: The successful candidate will be responsible for coming up with proposals for Natishco which involve punishment of the successful candidate. During staff and public meetings, the successful candidate is expected to respond to questions with suggestions that the successful candidate be "punished for his/her crimes against humanity". Successful candidate will be responsible for communicating messages of impending disaster for Natishco, and taking full responsibility for said disaster. May involve limited travel.
Remuneration: To be discussed.Rotter - (Competition number 99RF-02023)
Job description: Candidate must be loathsome at all times, both physically and morally. Repugnance of candidate must flow like a river from his/her place of work to infect personal relationships, and the general state of office morale. Incompetence a plus. Please include a recent photo.
Remuneration: Sliding scale based on candidate's objectionable nature.Theriantrope - (Competition number 99TQ-01124)
Job description: Candidate will co-ordinate Natishco worship of deities represented in the combined forms of man and animal. Candidate may be called upon to request boons from said deities, and in isolated cases, to research new or untested religions to which Natishco might align itself.
Remuneration: To be discussed.